How to stop overthinking every single ‘problem’ you encounter.
What turns a situation into a problem?
It’s us. It’s what we do, that creates most of our problems. When there is a challenge, a hick up in our life, an unwanted situation, the first thing we do, is start thinking about it. We think and think and overthink what is happening, what might happen next, what can be a result of this, … and the carrousel of thoughts has begun. Round and round and round, … an endless spinning of our mind.
How can we stop this useless train of thoughts?
First of all, you have to be aware of the fact that you are doing this, this so tiresome, so addictive way of keeping your thoughts going over and over the same thing. Yes, it’s something you have to consciously stop doing because we are not aware of the fact that we think each day about 80 to 90% of the thoughts we thought the day before! So, if you do not very consciously tell yourself to stop, you’ll keep on thinking the same things over and over again. By doing so, you’ll make everything seem worse than it is, you create your own version of what seems to be going on and we also think we know what other people are thinking, what they will say and do, …. but we don’t know that! And as I’ve told many times before, what we think, determines how we feel AND how we act. Thinking the same thoughts, will result in feeling the same way hence in acting the same way and so we’re STUCK in the same situation/ problem.
When you catch yourself being on that carrousel of same thoughts, say STOP! Even out loud if necessary because that is the first thing you have to do: break free from that train of endless same thoughts.
You can use certain techniques if saying stop does not work the first couple of times you’re trying this. One of the very simple techniques is: when you can’t stop your thoughts: focus on your immediate surroundings and name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you feel and 1 thing you taste. The simple fact of focusing on those things, will have stopped the carrousel in your head. The more you practice stopping your thoughts, the easier it will become.
The next thing you have to do is, look at the situation from a neutral point of view. Remind yourself that thinking about it in the same way, the way that did not result in a solution, will never get you to resolve the matter, to finding an answer. So, if you want to get this problem/issue solved, you’ll have to handle this differently. Because as dr. Einstein so wisely put: “Insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result.” And as we are not insane, we’ll have to start acting differently in order to get another outcome!
A very good start to getting in this neutral position, is noting what is fact and what is emotion. Here you have to be very honest with yourself and put your ego aside! Your ego, your ‘protective Self’, will come in kicking and screaming, ‘telling’ you that you are right and that it’s up to other people to get this thing sorted out. Newsflash: it’s up to you to get this problem solved as it is you that is bothered by it and it’s you and only you that can change the way you feel! Yes, indeed, you first change how you think so that your ‘thinking differently’ can change how you act!
How can you get a grip on the situation?
Make a list of the actual facts. Once you see it in writing, it will help you even more to be very honest and to see the difference between facts and story.
Now you are ready to move forward, to go towards a solution. Once you have the facts mapped out, you can start acting on them. Now that the ‘problem’ has come down to actual facts, most of the emotion has abided and all parties are more open to getting this thing sorted out. Once you start doing -instead of just thinking about it-, you’ll see changes happening, you’ll feel you’re handling it and the (over)thinking will stop! Finally! The more you actually do, the more you stop the mind traffic, the better you’ll feel. You’ll be wondering how on earth you could have let yourself get so sucked in into the story you were telling yourself. It made you so unhappy, so stressed out and still you kept on thinking the same story and even making it bigger and worse by doing so!
Now, you know you can stop this!
This new way of thinking is something you need to practice. You have to train your mental muscles (cf. Bob Proctor: The 6 mental faculties). It’s very similar to physical muscles. You have to start small, keep doing it, and keep moving towards bigger challenges until it has become a habit, until it has become your new way of thinking, until you can handle any situation by using your mental muscles, by steering your thoughts towards facts, solutions. The mental muscles I recommend training to stop overthinking ‘problems’ are:
perception: changing your point of view
imagination: thinking what else is possible
memory: keep practicing until it’s a habit, until it’s your natural MO
So now, when something comes up: instead of going into your mental, closed off carrousel of emotional thinking, you immediately catch yourself and say: okay, I am not going there. Write down what is fact here and what you can do about it. In doing so, it will become very clear what exactly is the problem. Here you will see how much is in your hands and what you will have to accept and let go of. Because of course you will encounter situations where there is not much you can do about, as we cannot change other people’s behavior, we cannot change the world on our own, … we can only do what is in our power. Once you’ve accepted that, it is a lot easier to stop thinking and to start letting go of stuff you can’t do anything about.
You will feel better, you will feel less burdened, you will feel lighter as you do not see everything as a problem anymore. You’ll see the difference between facts and emotions and you now know what is in your hands and what not. Clear your head of all the clutter* that is housing there, get rid of all the useless thoughts, of all the ‘problems’ that are not your problems.
Solve what is yours to solve and let go of all the rest.
Try it and you’ll feel a huge weight being lifted from your shoulders! You’ll be able to move more freely, to breathe more easily! You’ll feel more relaxed as you have less ‘problems’ on your mind and you’ll be able to solve and/or dismiss more quickly issues that come your way. This does not mean you’ll become insensitive, no, this means you won’t stay on this negative, low energy vibe of frustration, of feeling stuck. You”l work your mental muscles towards finding solutions.
Thank you all for reading me, supporting me, following me on Medium!
Katrien
www.lifecoachwomen.be
*’Less is yes!’ Katrien Degraeve, Part 3: Mental Decluttering