We go on and on and on. We always keep going, going, going. Why can’t we allow ourselves to slow down, to stop for a while? Why? And what is the price we pay for it? It is always too high. When it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive. When it costs you your health, it’s too expensive. When it costs you your relationship, it’s too expensive.
And yet, we still don’t stop. Why?
Is it fear? Fear of not being good enough? Fear of losing love? Fear of losing friendship? Fear of losing self-respect? Fear of what?
Why can’t we give ourselves permission to just be for a while?
We want to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter, the perfect colleague, the perfect neighbor, the perfect friend, the perfect …. But we can’t. We simply can’t. Perfection does not exist. Perfection is fear in a fancy suit. And still, the urge to be perfect dominates most of our lives….
I think it’s high time to let go of that urge, of that fear.
To get rid of that fear, we first have to acknowledge it is fear.
Once we recognize our fears, we can face them. We can start looking at what causes this fear. Fear is irrational. It’s an emotion. So, to be able to look at it from a more detached point of view, we first have to slow down, and find a place of calm, a place where we feel safe and secure. Then you can ask yourself the following questions:
What am I so afraid of?
Is this a reality?
What is fact and what is emotion?
What is the worst that can happen?
Is that likely to happen?
What can I do about it and what is up to other people, hence not up to me?
As I’ve said many times before, we can’t change other people, we are not responsible for their expectations, we aren’t here to live up to other people’s standards.
It is so easy to believe that if only we try hard enough, if only we keep on pleasing other people enough, if only we do everything that is asked and then some, … we will be enough, we will have done enough. But it does not work like that.
Stop here and now and know that:
If ‘being accepted, loved, respected’ depends on what other people believe is worthy enough, then that’s not real love, friendship.
If you have to prove yourself time after time, then that’s not real love, not real friendship.
If people ‘love’ you for what you do instead of for who you are, then that is not real love, not real friendship.
Slow down, find your inner sanctuary and reconnect with yourself.
Re-establish your values.
Find your beliefs and live up to them (again).
Start living according to your own standards.
Know you’ll never be able to please all, to do all, to make everybody happy.
Instead of wearing yourself out to please, to do what other people want you to do, to try and live up to other people’s expectations, … just be you, be your best self.
The more we are true to who we are, the happier we’ll be and the better we’ll be at what we do, and that works out for everyone! The happier people are, the better they feel and function.
We are all responsible for our own happiness, we need to respect and love ourselves enough so that we do not depend on other people’s appraisal to feel enough, to feel happy, to feel inner peace.
Surround yourself with people who love and respect you so that they will help you find that safe haven, your inner sanctuary, your true self, because those are the ones who know that this is where you’ll be your best you, your happiest you, your truest you.
Stop that crazy rat-race, slow down before you become ill, before you are too lost to find your way home again.
It’s a very slippery road, one I’ve been on too many times. The only solution, is to get off of that road, to slow down. Enjoy where you are right now. Do not look too far ahead. It’s enough, you are enough.
This is my invitation to you all this week:
Be aware of your ‘trying to be perfect’.
Stop being afraid.
Stop the rat-race: you do enough, you love enough, you are enough.
Enjoy being who you are, where you are.
Times are crazy, the world is crazy right now, so don’t look around you for peace, for appraisal.
Look inside you, feel what is right for you, feel what your heart says is enough.
Bless you all, love you all and thank you so much for supporting me.
We are all part of this Universe, we are all one.
Namaste.
Katrien
www.lifecoachwomen.be
author of ‘Less is Yes!‘