The Walk of Life

Every day we take steps, one after the other, that’s how we move forward, that’s how we go through life. Be conscious of the path you create, as it is …. YOUR LIFE you are creating.

Every day, we wake up and there is a whole new day available. It’s like a blank canvas, YOU get to paint the picture. I know, I hear you, we all have obligations, we all have a (too)full agenda, but there is always room to choose how we will go through the day. In fact, we also get to choose what we fill our agenda with. Yes, we do. We can first choose to make it less full, as empty spaces give us time to breathe, to (re)focus, to take a step back and then we can choose to gradually fill it with different stuff, with things we want to fill our lives with.

But first we need to evaluate our agenda, our life. Knowing what we are doing right now, will give us the knowledge, the power, the input we need, to know what we want to change in our lives.

When we take a step back, breathe, take the time to observe, our mind becomes quiet enough so that we can feel if this is the path we want to walk or not. Sometimes it’s a Hell Yeah! And that is great! Keep going, you found your path!

But often we feel there is room for improvement and we need to make adjustments: sometimes little ones and sometimes big ones. Listen to your intuition and start making changes. You know you want to make some changes, you know why you want them to happen but it’s the how that is not clear yet.

Don’t wait for the ideal path to happen but

make it happen yourself!

Here is where it gets uncomfortable: walking new territory, creating new paths, … but do start! One step at a time. Don’t let the ‘not knowing how it will end’ keep you from beginning today. I know, the uncertainty makes you feel vulnerable, makes you feel as if you are stepping into an open space without any guidelines or directions. But embrace this feeling. Take one step, and then stop for a moment, so that you can feel the land of opportunities. The lack of guidelines, of clear steps, of knowing exactly what to do, creates space!  In that space your creativity will kick in. You already know you want to make changes and you know why you want it. So far, it was the uncertainty, the not knowing how, that held you back. Now you have created space, you opened up, you allow yourself to create a new path. That’s a very important first step!

Allow yourself to be a beginner, to not know exactly how to get to the end. No one knows, everyone is a beginner at first, we just have to keep in mind that we want to be on this new path. Do the best you can for now and you’ll notice that by taking baby steps forward, you’ll become better at it, you’ll become wiser, and as you feel you’re on the right track, you also feel when you have to make adjustments. The most important thing is to keep moving, to keep the momentum going. Don’t just be interested in making changes, be committed!

When you are committed, you’ll continue to take little steps every day. In moving forward every day with those manageable steps, you’ll be able to sidestep the biggest barrier to change: FEAR!

I believe we now have defined THE biggest reason for not making changes in life, for staying where we are, for waiting instead of walking.

FEAR.

Fear that we will not be able to realize our dreams.

Fear that we do not have what it takes to make the change we so much desire.

Fear that we will not find people to support us on our new journey.

Fear that we will lose what we have right now (isn’t that the whole point: lose what is draining you to make space for what gives you energy?

Fear!

That is what is keeping us from changing.

That’s why the way to make change happen, is to take turtles steps: one by one, slowly but steady. You’ll get wiser by every step. Every result teaches you something, either: ‘it was the right thing to do’ or ‘this is something to not do anymore’. And as you are taking tiny steps, it’s always very easy to make adjustments.

Always take the time to evaluate:

Does this feel good?

Is this bringing me closer to how I want to live my life?

Don’t get too attached to how exactly your end result must look like, just keep going in the direction of ‘how you want to feel’ in life. Sometimes you think a certain result is what you’re aiming for and then you have a ‘set-back’ and you need to make some changes. When you learn to see those ‘set-backs’ as something you needed to experience, as something you needed to know, in order to find your right path, you won’t be afraid of them anymore. You’ll know it’s just the Universe helping you, guiding you towards your real journey. It is absolutely helpful when you accept the fact that life is not a straight path from A to B, that you need to take side paths to find your way to your true path and that every ‘misfortune’ has a message for you. Take the time to step back and evaluate what those messages are.

My invitation to you all this week is:

Find a quiet moment.

Breathe.

Meditate, visualize what you dream of achieving in life.

Look at what you are doing in your life right now.

Write down what needs to change.

Know that fear will be your companion.

Embrace the uncertainty.

Cherish the space it creates.

Take a first tiny step.

Feel how this already changes you.

Note what it already taught you.

Take a second step.

Move forward, every day.

Remember your ‘why’*: make a picture, a mood board, write down a quote, … anything that you can turn to, when fear is overwhelming you or when your courage is temporarily diminishing.

Know that change ALWAYS feels uncomfortable as our subconscious mind is not familiar with these new situations yet. Once you repeat those new situations, it’ll become a habit, it’ll become a new file in your ‘subconscious cabinet’ and it will become comfortable and easy**.

As I said: don’t hold on too closely to how the end result must look like. Let yourself be guided by the Universe***, just keep taking steps and feel the result. Sometimes you end up exactly how you envisioned it and sometimes you end up where you never, ever, thought of arriving.

Life is a journey, happiness is the way****, enjoy every step of the way!!!!

Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https://lifecoachwomen.com/membership and you’ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!

Katrien

*’Say NO to New Year’s resolution’, Medium article by Katrien Degraeve.

**’The Trouble is, it’s All Up to You, The Good Thing Is: it’s All Up to You’, medium Article by Katrien Degraeve.

***’The Universe Has Your Back’, by Gabrielle Bernstein.

****’Happiness Is the Way’ by dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

Saying Goodbye…

Saying goodbye….. It’s never easy, it’s never something we want, and yet, we so often have to do it in life….

If you want to look at life from a pessimistic point of view, life is a series of goodbyes, there is always someone or something we have to say goodbye to. In fact, every moment that passes, never returns, so even that could be considered as a little goodbye. That’s why my motto is: “Time is always passing and you never get to live those moments again, so choose wisely how you want to feel.” Choose joy, choose gratitude. No matter how cloudy your life looks, the sun always rises again….

Goodbyes, they can really knock the wind out of you. Some you know will come, and others take you by surprise, but it’s never easy. We feel sad, sometimes we feel it’s unfair and yet we have to face it whether we want it or not. Of course, there is a huge difference in goodbyes: some are permanent like death, an end of an era in your life, moving away, a divorce, … and others are less permanent, but feel very painful nevertheless, like kids leaving for college, friends moving abroad, colleagues changing jobs, … even getting ill or injured can mean the end of a healthy life and is also a goodbye.

So how can we cope with all this loss?

It would be unhealthy if we did not grieve a loss, so I am not at all advocating people should not feel sad for a while. I think we all need to enter the land of tears, but I think it is very important that we do not stay there. There is the known grieving process described by dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross* where she describes the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This can be applied to all kinds of losses, not only when you get the diagnosis of an incurable disease or when you lose someone, no, it’s applicable to every major feeling of loss in your life like for instance an athlete who needs to quit sports because of an injury, or any situation in which you feel something came to an end. The 5 stages are:
Denial: we still pretend nothing is going on, we make ourselves believe nothing has changed permanently. This is a necessary stage to be able to cope with a major loss. We need time to come to terms with it. We can’t take the gravity of the loss in all at once.
Anger: it begins to sink in and we think it’s unfair, we do not deserve this and we lash out, we are angry. We fight the people around us as we can’t fight the inevitable, the loss that is eminent. We feel frustrated, we feel powerless which we vent through anger.
Bargaining: as feeling angry gets us nowhere, we try to ‘use’ our loss, we keep telling everyone what is happening to us so that people would be more compassionate, more willing to help, so that people would be more lenient towards us because of our situation. We want to be pampered, we need the extra care and attention.
Depression: then we hit rock bottom, we realize it’s permanent, we understand that being angry, ‘using’ our situation is not making us feeling any better and is not a solution either as we can’t undo the loss. Some people get stuck in this phase, they can’t find a way out.
Acceptance: this is the moment where we know: this is my new ‘reality’, this is how it is going to be from now on. And from here people can start healing, people can start finding new meaning in life again. This is where the sun shows up again.

Of course, these stages are not always clearly defined, it is a process. There can be an overlapping of stages, a phase can be skipped, there can be set-backs. It’s personal and it’s like a timeline, you see people moving through these phases. As I said, not everyone reaches the end stage and there is not a specific time frame in which they should have completed the process. It all depends on so many variables** like: what does their social support group look like, what kind of loss they suffered, for instance a professional athlete will cope better with quitting sports when he/she had the injury during a competition, visible to the world than when he/she hurt herself falling down the stairs which has nothing to do with the sports they are practicing, the mindset of the person grieving, …

What I specifically would like to share here in my article, is that grief is also an emotion that we can get a grip on. After we’ve entered the land of tears and some time has passed, we can choose to start looking forward, to start taking our life back into our hands, and to start celebrating, when looking back, all the good memories we had of that person, that event, that house, that job, that era in our life, … Instead of mourning what is lost, we can think back of the good things and be grateful that we got to live those beautiful moments. In fact, mourning is mostly about ourselves, and not about who or what we lost. We feel sad, because we don’t have things like we liked/used to have them. Like for instance, your kids going away to college is a good thing in life, it’s something to celebrate and yet, we moms, cry our eyes out when they leave, the same goes for when our kids get married, for saying goodbye to a pet, … and even to an old or a very sick person: we know we all have to cross over sometime but it still is so hard to let go, even when they had a long and fulfilling life, even when they are suffering, we still want them around. Of course, there are losses that words can’t even begin to describe, and I feel the utmost respect and compassion for people who have to deal with those huge losses. But still, I believe that at some point, we can choose how we want to continue our lives. It’s not easy, not at all! But it determines the rest of our lives, so I think it’s important to know there is another possibility too.
When people can choose to give new meaning to their loss, it’s better for them and for everyone around them. Like when parents who lost a child, can start a project to help other parents, or to make traffic safer, … it’s hard and you can’t do this kind of things immediately after the loss. But when, at some point, you can make the choice to turn the pain into something helpful, it is so much better. Otherwise, the pain will eat you up from the inside. It is very hard but it’s such a huge step forward if you can make the choice to become better instead of bitter.
I am not saying it is easy, no way. Again, I absolutely feel a lot of respect and compassion for people who are grieving. All I am saying is, if you can make the decision to get out of the land of tears, there is a whole new horizon right in front of you.
As I have written about in many of my articles***, what you think determines how you feel and how you feel determines how you act in life. Think there is a new life possible, and that will make you feel more powerful and you’ll be able to create it.
I wish all of you, who are facing any kind of loss, the strength, the courage and the willingness to choose your thoughts, to choose to look for that new horizon. It’s hard and the more support you have the better, but ultimately, it is you who decides what to think. Believe in life, believe there is still joy possible, believe you are still needed in this world, believe you are not alone… Once you start thinking about new possibilities, about a new future, you’ll realize there is a beautiful -yet different- life waiting for you.
Bless you all and have a beautiful life. Cherish your memories with a smile on your lips and feel gratitude for all the beauty you’ve experienced in the past, and still may experience in your life to come. Choose to look at life from an optimistic point of view, from a place of love, of gratitude, of being blessed. Choose to look forward as that is the way you are going. When you open yourself up to new possibilities, the Universe will provide. It always has your back****. Trust, have faith and you will be all right. That is why I chose a picture of a sunrise instead of a sundown. The sun always rises again.

Thank you all for reading me, and for supporting me on Medium! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles, and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https://lifecoachwomen.com/membership and you’ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!

Katrien

*’On Death and Dying’ by dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

**’Het Psychologisch Proces na een Sportletsel.’ by Katrien Degraeve.

***Articles here on Medium by Katrien Degraeve.

****’The Universe Has Your Back’ by Gabrielle Bernstein.

We Are All Different, and yet, We Are All the Same

Practical Tips on How to Rejuvenate Your Body

This week, we will ‘declutter’ our body so that the energy can flow freely again and that we’ll feel light and full of life again!

Last week, we tackled the stuff in our house and I hope you’ve already done some decluttering so that you can feel why you are doing it. Once you get that feeling of space and brightness in your house, you’ll be motivated to continue on the path of decluttering. As promised last week, this week’s blog will give you some very practical, doable tips to start getting your body in shape again. Not only to be able to wear that nice summer dress but above all, to feel good again, to feel light, healthy, full of energy.

To get our body in shape again, we need to take a look at some of our habits. We have to look at:

what we eat and drink

how much we exercise

how many hours we sleep

how we breathe

how we sit, stand, walk, …

I am a firm believer in daily rituals. The more you integrate healthy lifestyle in your daily planning, the faster it will become your new daily routine, and once it’s a habit, it’s easy to keep doing it because we are creatures of habit.

Food and drinks.

I am kicking in an open door when I tell you that what you eat and drink will influence the energy flow in your body. We all know it and still it’s so hard to not eat and drink all that junk. We do it and then we feel awful. To stop that cycle of devouring, feeling bad, devouring, feeling bad, …just stop to actually feel your body and be conscious about how your body is protesting, when it has been one of those evenings again, where you’ve been hanging on the couch, stuffing yourself with all kinds of junk, and then finally getting up to drag yourself into bed. When it happens to me (and yes once in a while it still happens to me, I am only human too :-)), I always see in my mind an old commercial (for a stomach medicine of course) where that frog is clinging to a branch but slowly slides until he falls off. It’s exactly how I feel then and it’s a good reminder to stay away from the junk for a long time again.

So how can we avoid this ‘disaster stuffing’ and start living a healthy routine:

Keep a journal of what you eat every day. It will give you an idea of the incredible amount of unnecessary snacks we all eat. Having to write it down, will already have you snacking less because it makes you conscious. Being conscious also makes you realize: you eat out of habit, out of boredom, you eat to numb an unpleasant feeling. I once read a funny quote:

“Whatever the problem is,

the answer is not in the fridge!” 

Start with a healthy breakfast: eat what works for you: fruits, granola, oatmeal, … avoid sugars, too much wheat, too much dairy, and all foods made with yeast.

Lunch and dinner can look different for everyone according to work schedules. Eat as much vegetables as possible. The most important thing about your food is the combination* in which you eat your meals. As a vegetarian, I do not eat meat or fish but when you do: eat them only in combination with veggies.

vegetables with meat,

vegetables with fish

vegetables with pasta/ potatoes/rice/ bread.

You’ll notice that when you eat in the right combinations, you won’t have that ‘balloon’ feeling anymore. You’ll digest easier and better so you win twice: no more swollen bellies and more nutrition absorbed by your body. Prepare a healthy, tasteful and colorful meal and eat slowly. Concentrate on eating your food, look at your food and chew! I learned**that you have to chew at least 20 times. By counting how many times you chew, you learn to notice how fast you normally swallow. You can train eating slowly by chewing 30 to 50 times on one mouthful just to learn to slow down. I know you can’t keep doing this but it will make you aware and it’ll make you chew at least double of what you are doing now. The better your food digests, the less you’ll feel like grabbing a snack afterwards. Drinking lots and lots of water, helps to keep you hydrated. Be aware of how much coffee you drink, it’s okay to have some coffee but just do not overdo it, it dehydrates your body. Alcohol and sugary drinks are NEVER a good idea so keep it for special occasions, and consume moderately.

Exercise

This is something you really need to put in your agenda and honor it like you would any other important item in your daily schedule. If you are out of shape, start easy, but exercise daily. Go for a walk, take the stairs, take your bike instead of your car if you have to run an errand close by.

Put a reminder in your phone to make sure you build up your daily ritual. You can integrate this in even the busiest schedules: go for a 10-minute walk during lunch time, park your car 2 blocks from where you work and walk, take the stairs instead of the elevator (when you have 22 stories to climb: start with 5 stories by stair and 15 with the elevator or what you’re capable of and slowly build up the stair-walking), … be creative, do whatever works for you but take action, get that body moving!

Get yourself a buddy and do some sports together, make it something fun. Start once a week and see how it goes.

You’ll see how these seemingly little things slowly but steadily help you get into shape. Once you are in better shape, you’ll feel more like working out and you’ll start enjoying exercising. But you have to start to get there.

Sleep

Sleep is a greatly underestimated tool to feel good, to restore health and to stay healthy. Build a daily ritual to have that goodnight sleep (again) we all need, we all crave. We are not only healthier but also a much kinder person :-)when we had a good night sleep, so here again, nothing but wins!

How can you build your daily ritual?

Go to bed every day at the same time: yes 7/7.

Sleep for at least 7 hours, some people need more and that is okay! Listen to your body, honor its wishes.

Don’t stuff yourself with junk and/or alcohol before you go to sleep, make sure your food has time to digest before going to bed.

No technology 1,5 hour before you put your head down.

Do something relaxing like reading a good book, watching something that makes you feel good, listening to some peaceful music.

Have a gratitude journal next to your bed and write every evening, just before putting out the lights, some happy thoughts, things you are grateful for.

Meditate or say a prayer and you’ll have a peaceful, restful sleep.

A decluttered bedroom, a good mattress, a well aired, not too hot nor too cold room, are also, very important aspects to have a goodnight sleep.

Breathing

It is the most natural thing on earth, it’s the very essence of being alive and yet, we don’t give it a second thought.

Become aware of your breathing. Put a reminder in your phone, and breathe consciously for just a minute, a couple of times a day. Just focus on your breathing. Go outside if possible or stand in an open window. If that’s not possible, then just sit and breathe. You’ll feel how your body relaxes, how you energize your body again, how it makes you feel good.

As part of your daily ritual you can start your day, in bed, with some breathing and stretching exercises, and end your day with some breathing and stretching exercises***, you’ll notice how much you’ll benefit from it!

If you want to learn all about energizing your body through breathing, you can read The Energy Codes by dr. Sue Morter****. If you want to combine breathing and taking cold showers, learn The Wim Hof Method*****.

Posture

It may seem an unimportant item but just try this out: sit with an unenthusiastic slouch and look down, notice how this makes you feel.

Then sit up straight, shoulders back, head up, how does this make you feel?

Feel the difference in energy?

The same goes with how you walk, how you stand, even how you talk. Train yourself in sitting straight, standing straight, walking with an energetic bounce in your step and talk with enthusiasm in your voice.

The way you hold your body determines how you feel. Use this to get that energy flowing again. It works, even when you are feeling down or tired, straighten up and you’ll already feel a slight difference in your mood and energy level. Use this to feel light and energetic again.

You see, YOU can really make your body healthy again, you can feel light and rejuvenated by just doing the above things. It’s all quite simple really, no earth shocking stuff but it’s important to build daily rituals. Use your phone to put reminders, get a buddy to keep going, write down you progress, hang a note or a picture on your bathroom mirror to remind you of your why, make your screen saver a motivational quote so that you stay on track. Celebrate all your good days! If you slip up, just let the day go by and move on. The next day, do all your rituals again. You can do it!! If you want to read more about ‘decluttering’ your body, read part 2 of my book ‘Less is Yes!’*.

Thank you all for reading me and for supporting me on Medium too! If you want unlimited access to all of my articles and many other authors, you can become a Medium Member by clicking on this link https://lifecoachwomen.com/membership and you’ll be supporting me directly (and all the other authors indirectly). Many, many thanks to you all!!!

Katrien

*”Less is Yes!”part 2 by Katrien Degraeve.

**School of Life Courses in Food Nutrients, Cleansing Your Body, Natural Food, by Dr. Geert Verhelst and Rob Vaes.

*** Guided meditations, on Insight Timer App.

****The Energy Codes, by Dr. Sue Morter.

*****The Wim Hof Method, by Wim Hof.

Spring: rebirth in nature, rebirth of yourself!

Shake off the ‘winter layers’, get rid of all the excess and BREATHE again!!!!

Listen… do you hear the birds singing? Do you hear nature awakening? Can you see the first blossoms on the trees? This is my favorite season: everything comes to life again! I love it! You can just feel the energy flowing, new life emerges everywhere.

Feel one with nature,

go out and

tap into that new, bubbling, rejuvenating energy.

This is the perfect season to clear out the cobwebs: not only in your house (part 1), but also in your body (part 2) and in your head (part 3). This week, I’ll talk about the clearing out of stuff in your house, next week I’ll talk about getting your body in shape again and the week after, about the letting go of all that is stuck in your mind.

Part 1: rebirth of your house.

It’s no coincidence that we have the tradition of ‘spring cleaning’, it feels so refreshing to open all the windows, to let the fresh air in, to clean the house, to get rid of all the clutter that has accumulated during winter time (or longer). During winter we stay inside, we curl up and sit around the fire, it’s dark, we tend to hoard and our energy is rather low, we live inwards. But now, as spring is in the air, it’s time to open up your house, to let in the fresh air, and breathe!!! Do yourself the biggest favor ever and get rid of all the stuff you don’t use, you don’t need, … stuff that is just laying around and eating away your energy. You’ll feel so much lighter when all your clutter is gone. If you want a guide to declutter your house, (body and mind), step by step, read my book “Less is Yes!” *, it’s a very practical and easy to follow guide. Part 1 is all about simplifying your house. You’ll be so happy to see your house getting cleaner, roomier and you’ll wonder how you survived all these years of living in this suffocating clutter which we so conveniently call cozy cushions, nice souvenirs, pretty decorations, … It takes courage to start but try it and see how you feel.

Go room by room, closet by closet, shelve by shelve, … take everything out, and make a triage**:

Trash, which goes out, are all the things that are broken, worn, useless.

Transfer, things that are still useful to someone but not you, put them all in a box and donate them, or let them get picked up by an organization that helps people in need.

Treasure, things you really need, things that you use, things that actually give you energy.

It seems like a huge task, and it is, but it is so worth it. Decide for yourself how you will get started: half an hour every day, an hour … or 1 day/week. Schedule it in your agenda. Make it as fun as possible. Put on your favorite music, take a picture before and after, get a buddy to go through the process together…. Whatever works for you. Then enjoy the result, savor every bit of energy you feel flowing again!!! Be proud of every inch you have decluttered!

A playful way of getting started, as a warming-up if you’d like, is to do the 30-Day Minimalism Game***. You get yourself a buddy and you choose a month to play the game. On day 1 you both get rid of 1 item in your house, take a picture, send it to each other and then get the item out of the house, otherwise you are just re-organizing your clutter. On day 2 you both get rid of 2 items, and so on until you’ve reached day 30 where you both get rid of 30 items. By the end of the month: 465 items will have left your house!!! It’s so much fun to do because sometimes the pictures are hilarious because of the odd items you have kept all those years, and most importantly, you are motivated because you do it together. It’s the perfect warming up to get the ‘real work’ started and to go over every room, every cupboard, …

Give it a chance because we are creatures of habit and every change feels uncomfortable at first. Be thorough and stick to the 3 T’s: trash, transfer and treasure. Choose just a few pieces that really make you happy, that put a smile on your face, real treasures, and hide what you’re not willing to let go of yet. You’ll see that, now, you actually notice what is on display, what is in your closet, and therefor you enjoy it so much more than when an object gets lost in other decorations, in other stuff, so that you don’t even notice it anymore. Once you’ve experienced for a while what you like and what stuff was just being here out of habit, you can start getting rid of things you never look at, never wear anymore. I love the story of the 3 vases of Courtney Carver, who is my wonderful mentor on my minimalism path. She had 3 vases in her bedroom which were a wedding gift, and as she was trying out what stuff made her happy and what not, she hid them for 3 months. Then she put them back. Because she knew she had not missed them, she said to her husband, I’ll get rid of those vases, they are just standing here, gathering dust and I don’t get any joy out of them. He said, no, don’t take them away, I’ll miss them. (That’s what happens with gifts: you think you are emotionally attached to them because they were a gift). She asked: did you notice they have been gone for 3 months? And he was flabbergasted, he had not even noticed they had been gone!!! That’s my point exactly, we keep a lot of things just out of habit, because we think we will miss it, but we don’t, because we think we have to hang on to them because they were a gift, but we don’t! Try it! You’ll feel that, once you have less stuff, the energy can flow freely and

you’ll experience more space,

you’ll enjoy breathing more freely,

you’ll have room to move around,

there’ll be less cleaning,

there’ll be less input because the more stuff you have around, the more visual stimuli you experience,

there’ll be less stress because less input means less stress, also less cleaning means less stress, less stuff equals less decision-making stress,

you’ll have more time to do fun stuff,

you’ll experience more freedom!

Start small, notice how it makes you feel and enjoy every step you’ve made. Remember you’ve gathered all your stuff over years and years of time, so be kind to yourself and realize it’s a process, go step by step, go slow but steady. You’ll notice, once you get the hang of it, it becomes easier and easier and it even becomes fun! I promise!

One particular closet, may cause you a lot of headache though …. and that is your wardrobe… I dedicated a whole chapter in my book* just to this one closet. Again, now, with the weather changing, it’s the perfect time to dig into that massive pile of clothes, shoes, handbags, …. and see what you actually enjoy wearing. Here again: make 3 piles: out, maybe, keep.

Out: everything that does not fit anymore, that is worn, that you never wear. See what you can donate and what goes directly to the trash.

Maybe: you can’t decide right now: wear it for one day and tag it: ‘liked it’ or ‘did not like it’. The ones you did not like: donate, transfer, them.

Keep: your absolute favorites: they fit you, they fit your lifestyle, they make you feel good, hence these are your treasures.

Especially this closet is a process, try things out, reconsider, get rid of all the ‘one day I may be wearing it’: if you haven’t worn these clothes for years, you’ll never wear them. Be very aware that you don’t fall into the trap of: now I have room in my closet, I’ll buy new stuff. You need room so that the energy can flow, you need space in your closet, you need to see all you have in 1 look. Try out what feels good, what you wear and what you don’t wear. If you do need new stuff, keep a rule: 1 in, 1 out or even 2 out. Only then you’ll keep a minimalist wardrobe.

If you want to take it one step further: read Courtney Carver’s Project 333****. She takes it to the next level by choosing 33 items every 3 months. Those are the items you’ll wear for these 3 months. You hide everything else. This is a process you optimize by doing it. In the end you’ll see clearly what you like, what you wear and what you can get rid of because you never pick these items. It’ll make you realize what your favorite things are and that they are all you need. We wear 20% of our wardrobe, 80% of the time. So, it’s very clear that we can drastically simplify our wardrobe and once you have created your capsule wardrobe , it’s so much fun because all you have in it, fits, and is what you adore wearing.

Another benefit of a capsule wardrobe is: less to choose from means no more decision-making stress because you actually see all the clothing you have and you can’t get it wrong because they are all your favorites.

Make the decision to simplify your life, make the decision to let the energy flowing freely through your house again. Plan it in your agenda, start the decluttering and enjoy the feeling of lightness that will come over you.

Breathe again,

feel energetic again,

feel fresh and rejuvenated!

Next week, we’ll look at how we can ‘clean’ our body and get the energy flowing again so that we feel better, lighter, healthier, in better shape.

Thank you all for reading me!

Katrien

*”Less is Yes!” by Katrien Degraeve.

**”The Joy of Less” by Francine Jay.

***30-day Minimalism Game by The Minimalists Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus

****Project 333, The Minimalist Fashion Challenge That Proves Less Really Is So Much More by Courtney Carver.

Why Worry?

We spend most of our lives worrying about things that will never happen anyway… so why worry so much?

I once read a funny, yet also inspiring, verse and it went like this:

“Why worry?

There are only 2 things to worry about: whether you are well or whether you are sick.

When you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.

When you are sick, then there are only 2 things to worry about: whether you’ll get well or whether you’ll die.

When you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.

When you die, there are only 2 things to worry about.

Whether you’ll go to heaven, or whether you’ll go to hell.

When you go to heaven, then there is nothing to worry about.

When you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won’t have time to worry……:-)”

It is funny and I don’t believe in heaven and hell, so that is not what I want to write about but it sheds a beautiful light on the unnecessary amount of worrying we all do. We all spend soooooo much time worrying!!! And 90% (and maybe even more) of all the worst-case scenario’s we’ve envisioned, NEVER even happened!!!!!! And yet we continue to worry.

The most absurd worrying is worrying over things from the past. Just think for a moment: what good can possibly come from replaying over and over again what already happened??? If you think you’ve made a mistake, or if you think you’ve hurt someone, or forgot something. Stop replaying it but fix what needs to be fixed. Do what you need to do to make up for what you regret. And the LET IT GO! If it’s something that can’t be fixed, forgive who needs to be forgiven and move on.  It’s how you act now that will help people and whining over the past is not helping anyone. We’ve all made mistakes: little ones and big ones. All we can do now, is learn from our mistakes, and make sure we don’t make them again. Forgive yourself and others and focus on the NOW.

And then there is the ‘big’ future. That’s something you can really knock yourself out with! Years and years, decades even, are there for you, your ego (as it is your Protective Self who wants to be in control all the time) begging you to envision your whole life, inviting you to make the perfect plan, making you think you know how to control life…. and then something happens that makes the whole card house, your perfect plan, crumble. All of your planning, worrying, trying to control… goes down the drain. You’ve spent hours, days, weeks, … worrying about whether you would be able to handle it, whether you would be doing things right, neglecting to enjoy the moment, letting all those beautiful ‘present time moments’ slip by…. and all for nothing. Once you realize you cannot predict/control the future, you’ll finally know it’s no use worrying about it. That’s when you start living from your Higher Self instead of being led by your ego’s worries.

Of course, there is also the near future: meetings that you need to attend, people you have to meet, things that need to get done, … I get it, you can feel anxious, worried about the outcome of it. But instead of worrying, just look at what is coming and ask yourself: how can I prepare myself?  What can I do now to make the future event easier, smoother, more likely to succeed? List the things you can do, and do them.

“Action is worry’s worst enemy”

Once you’ve done what you needed to do, then say to yourself: I am as ready as can be. Now I let go of the result. I trust that all will be okay, that everything will work out just fine.

Let go of the notion that there is only one, possible result in life. Sometimes a different result turns out to be even better for you than the one you were striving for. When you know the direction-you-want-to-go in life, the person you want to be in life, then live your life in a way that leads you in that direction. The actual things you do, are of less importance, as long as you live according to your values and move in the direction you envision for yourself. You can plan and work towards a certain outcome in life, but don’t cling too hard to that one specific result. Don’t worry when things divert you a bit from what you were aiming for. Just work in the direction that feels good, do your best, learn the skills you need to master to do what you love but stop worrying so much.

There is no one-and-only result that will determine whether you will be happy or not. Many things can bring happiness. And worrying less is a big contribution to your happiness.

I know it’s easy to say: “Live in the now” but I invite you all to try it! You’ll feel so much more comfortable, relaxed, at ease.

Be conscious of how you are feeling right now and as dr. Wayne Dyer says*: whenever you feel ‘off’, don, unhappy, …say these five words:

“I Want To Feel Good.”

Saying these words, reminds you of the fact that you are in control of how you feel. By directing your thoughts, away from negativity, drama, failure, worry, …. you decide you want to feel good and you WILL start feeling good!

When saying these words: “I want to feel good’, you take action, you take control of your thoughts and feelings and you decide to live here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow. You can take action where action is needed to change the situation that makes you uncomfortable. If there is nothing you can do about the situation, you let it go because you are determined to not let a situation you have no control over, get you down and you repeat: I want to feel good. Fretting about something that you can do nothing about, gets you nowhere, so the only option, if you want to feel good, is to stop thinking about it. Redirect your thoughts towards things you can do and stop mulling over the things you can’t do anything about.

Now is the only moment you can feel happy, because now is the only moment you are living.

The past is a memory,

the future a mystery,

the present is a gift.**

All you have to do to feel good right now, is saying: ‘I Want to Feel Good’ and do everything in your power to actually start feeling good. You need:

to stop worrying about past and future,

to stop thinking about things you have no control over,

to stop assuming,

to stop the ‘what if’s’, …and just be, here and now.

Look at what is good, what is going well and start from there: you are alive, you have a roof over your head, you have food, … there are a million things in your life you can be grateful for. Look for them and you’ll find them. Write them in a gratitude journal and you’ll be surprised by the amount of good stuff that is happening in your life.

As I’ve said in previous articles: the mind is something you can train. The more you practice positive thinking, the more you will be able to stop your habit of worrying. You can learn to make a clear distinction between: what you need to let go of and what you can actually do something about. The more you practice, the easier it will become. Your default modus will become: can I do something about it? Yes? Okay, I’ll do what I can. No? Okay, I let it go right now. No use going over and over it. I do like the expression:

Let it go, let it God.

 Do what you can and then let go of everything else. Do your best and trust that all will be okay. The Universe works with us, it helps us achieve what we want. Only, we need to be very clear about what we DO want because the Universe does not judge, it just hears what we are saying. Repeating over and over again what we do NOT want to happen, aka worrying and creating worst-case scenarios, will tell the Universe that you want more of this because that is what the Universe is hearing. Be very careful about how you speak to yourself, and out loud. Stop beating yourself up, stop talking down on yourself, stop repeating your fears. For example: Saying over and over again that you will never have that dream job, that they will never pick you, that you are not good enough, … that is what the Universe is hearing: they will NOT pick you and that is what you’ll get more of. Another example: I am too fat, I’ll never fit into that dress, I will never lose enough weight, … again the Universe will bring you more to help you NOT losing enough weight. So instead of worrying, and believing you’ll never succeed: say: I want to feel good, I am going to lose weight, here is the plan I am going to follow. You already see yourself weighing less, feeling happier, being healthier. You BELIEVE you will succeed and you already enjoy feeling lighter. That feeling will keep you on track and hearing what you want, the Universe will help you to keep going in the right direction to achieve your goal.

Speak in positive ambitions, let the Universe know what it is you DO want. Then make your plan to achieve it. Keep working towards your goal and stop worrying. Believe you can realize your dream. Know where you are headed. Believe in it, be happy with every inch of progress and let go of the ‘one possible end result’. Just keep moving forward. Enjoy the moment, live in the now, don’t think too far ahead and you’ll be fine. You got this. Stop worrying!

I wish you all a very joyful, worry-less journey! Remember:

Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair:

it keeps you busy but it gets you nowhere.

Thank you all for reading me! I am so grateful for your support, for becoming my follower on Medium and for clapping for my articles.

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be

Author of “Less is Yes!”

*”The Power of Intention” Dr. Wayne W.Dyer

**”The power of Now” Eckhart Tolle

Life I Love, Love Is Life.

I am not talking about Valentine’s Day love, although that is beautiful too, I am talking about being love, living love, radiating love, seeing love everywhere.

Be courageous enough to always act from love, to see love in anyone and everything because there is love in ALL. We are all created from this Source called love, so by nature, we ARE love. It’s only in growing up, in facing setbacks that we seem to lose our connection to our Inner Being, to Love, to our True Self. We start building our Protective Self, aka our Ego, because we think that is what we need to survive in this world. When we live from a place of fear, from our ego, all we do is survive. I don’t think that is what we are here for, surviving. I believe we are meant to live, to feel abundant, to love, to see the beauty in everything, to be grateful for all the greatness that surrounds us.

I love this quote from John Randolph Price*:

“Until you transcend the ego, you can do nothing but add to the insanity of the world.”

For me, this quote says it all. As long as we let our ego dictate how we think, how we feel, how we act, all we will be doing is adding to the insanity of the world. Our ego keeps us trapped in a world of lacking, of fear, of competition, of anger, in a world of discontentment, of feeling alone…. These are all low vibrational feelings, feelings that can never make us live a happy, content life. Is that the life you want? I can’t imagine you do.

Now that Valentine’s Day is over, where we were all reminded of blissful, romantic love and seeing beautiful red hearts everywhere, EXPAND your thoughts of love. Think of love in a bigger way, not only love for your partner, for your children, … but expand your love to all there is.

We are all part of the Universe, we are all here on this earth with a purpose, make it your purpose to live from a place of love!

You’ll notice that once you start thinking from a place of love, once you start feeling loving kindness, you’ll start acting from a place of love. The more you do this, the more you’ll feel a complete shift in your life. You’ll feel happier and you’ll start seeing things in a different light, you’ll see more clearly, you’ll know what is important and what not, you’ll know what you want in life and what not. The world will look brighter and you’ll feel so much better!

Being grateful brings you to that place of love. Gratitude is a form of love, it’s an appreciation of all there is, it’s saying thank you for all the beauty, all the love and kindness there is in this world. It’s a choice we make. As Albert Einstein said:

“The most important decision we ever make, is whether we believe in a friendly universe or a hostile universe.”

I choose to believe in a friendly universe.

Choosing to believe in a hostile universe, is a choice made by the ego, it’s a choice made from a place of fear, of competition, of lack. Why would anyone want to do this? Why would anyone want to choose living on this low vibrational frequency? The Law of Attraction Is very clear: we attract what we send out, we attract what we think. Where focus goes, energy flows.

By choosing to believe in a friendly universe, we attract friendliness.

It all seems so simple, doesn’t it? And still, it is so hard to live by….

It’s, as I’ve written in one of my previous articles**, all up to you. It’s a choice you have to make day after day, hour after hour until it has become your way of thinking, your way of being. It’s a thing you can practice, it’s a choice you keep making over and over again. Every time you think a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. No matter how small, it’s important to practice love, to practice kindness, to practice gratitude and you will see your world changing. As dr. Wayne W. Dyer says:” When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Change your point of view, change your perception** and you’ll notice there is another ‘truth’ possible. Choose to believe the positive angle.

Buddha said:

What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.

Think about the fact that we all originate from love, that we all have love in us, even though it may be hidden very deeply, it is there. Believe in it and you’ll make it (re-)surface in you and in everyone around you.

Feel love, gratitude for everything in your life. The more you feel grateful, the more things you will start seeing to be grateful for, the more beautiful your world will become.

Imagine yourself as you would like to be, as your best self. Create this image and believe it’s who you can be, see yourself as this beautiful creature that has come into this world with a purpose. Love this person and do everything you can to be that person.

Keep this up and see what happens. Even if you do not believe yet you can change anything, just flip your thoughts over towards positive, kind thoughts and practice gratitude. The more you do it, the more you will start believing because it really DOES change your world. Believe it and you’ll see it happening!

I wish you all lots and lots of kindness and love, and make it your purpose to extend Valentine’s Day to a Valentin’s Year, to a Valentin’s Life.

Love is what we are made of.

Love is what is our purpose in life.

Life is Love, Love is Life.

Thank you all for being here, for reading me, it’s a pleasure to have you all in my life!

Namaste.

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be

Author of “Less is Yes!”

*“A Spiritual Philosophy for the new world” by John Randolph Price

**”The Trouble Is: It’s All Up To You. The Good Thing is: It’s All Up To You.” By Katrien Degraeve

Why should I Be kind? Why Me First?

Why do I have to be the one who behaves nicely and why can’t I wait for the other person to make the first kind move?

I so often hear these questions and remarks because people find it unfair:

that they should be the one making a peace offer,

that they should talk nicely to people who are not nice to them,

that they should come up with a solution when they believe it’s not their fault in the first place,

But then I ask them:

Why would you not want to be the one who makes the first move towards kindness, towards solutions, towards harmony in life?

Do you want to feel good?

Do you want to be happy in life?

There is only one way:

BE KIND to everyone, including yourself.

There has never been anyone who was happy holding grudges, who was happy waiting for another person to solve a problem, who was happy waiting for some else to change his/her behavior… I’ve talked about this in previous blogs. Do not put yourself in’ the victim of circumstances’ position, but be the ‘creator’ in your life, the creator of good vibrations. I talked* about all the different vibrational frequencies of emotions and how you can train** your mental muscles to be able to change your thoughts, hence your feelings. So, you KNOW you CAN change your thoughts, you KNOW how to feel differently. Now, all you have to know is

WHY

you should be the one to change first.

Knowing that we are all interconnected, knowing that we are all energy beings, it is a fact that everything we do, no matter how big or small, has a ripple effect on our surroundings. Nearby but also far away. The world may seem a big planet in square meters and so we may feel that we are all far away from one another, but it is a ‘small’ place if you consider our energetic connections, we are all interconnected, we are all one. We all have this responsibility, we all influence the bigger result. In changing the vibrational frequency of your own emotions, you change the frequency of the planet. The more people consciously choose to be kind, to be grateful, to live in a positive mindset, the more effect it will have on everyone, on the whole world. That’s why global mediations are so powerful. Bruno Lallement*** organizes a global mediation every Sunday sending kindness and gratitude into the world. Dr. Deepak Chopra**** already talked, years ago, about sending positive vibes into the world with as much people as possible to have a bigger effect, about letting go of your ego (which is still holding grudges), and about sending your intention to create harmony and good into the world. You can think this is all very woo-woo and as most of us can’t see this energy*****, we may find it is hard to believe this actually works. But think for instance about all the religious people who are praying to make the world a better place. In all cultures, religions, there are rites, prayers, … in which people think, pray, dance, … for a better outcome. People experience that sending out positive vibes, believing there is a solution, does make a difference. Believing there is a positive outcome possible, already helps you achieve it. Of course you need to take action too. It’s not a 1+1=2 equation. Skeptical people say that things don’t work like that, they say it’s not because you think something, it will happen. I know, it’s not that straight forward but my point is that being skeptical will definitely not give you the outcome you desire and you’ll be miserable because you’ll be attracting more negative stuff. So you might as well send out positive vibes, it will make you feel better because you’ll be vibrating on a higher frequency and you’ll be attracting more good stuff, hence a positive outcome. You can never do harm in wishing good things, in being kind and compassionate.

My way of living is:

Be the reason people still believe in the goodness of people******

Believe that being kind will result in kindness, maybe not always in the way you expect it, as you are not responsible for other people’s actions, but you will reap positive results in your life when you live your life in a kind way. Negative thinking only results in more negative stuff. In my opinion, it does not matter who is wrong and who is right, who can prove it scientifically or who can’t: all that matters to me is that we all feel good, that we act kindly, that the world is a better place for all of us, that we act compassionately and caring towards all life on earth.

There are many sayings which support “what you do in life, how you treat other people will result in how people treat you, in what you experience in life”, and as proverbs come from ‘old wisdom’, from ‘a lot of people having had this experience over and over again’, there must be some truth in it, no? For example:

You reap what you sow.

What goes around, comes around.

If you dig a hole for others, you’re sure to fall in it yourself.

As you make your bed, you must lie on it.

We do ‘know’ that how we behave, determines how our life will look like, how people will react to us. It’s just that, when we start talking about consciously sending out good vibes and believing in good things happening thanks to our thinking and behavior, then suddenly skepticism rules. I say, take a chance, try it. There will never come anything bad from being kind, you’ll never regret having been kind, on the contrary. As the Dalai Lama says:

”If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion.

If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion.”******

Compassion IS being kind. Compassion makes us look at the world, at people, knowing we are all one, knowing we all have our struggles. Compassion is knowing that in being kind, we help other people to feel better and become better people too. Compassion is also needed towards ourself. When we stop beating ourselves up, when we stop feeling guilty, when we start accepting that we make mistakes and that we can learn from them, that will make us better people, that will make us kinder people, that will make us more compassionate.

So,

Why Do I Need To Be Kind First?

My answer is very simple:

It’s the only way towards feeling good, towards leading your life the way you want to live it and towards feeling how you want to feel.

It’s the only way to make the world a better place for ALL of us. And isn’t that what we all want, ultimately, a nice, kind, compassionate world? The more people that are feeling good, the higher frequency the world vibrates on. In making sure you are feeling good, you offer a wonderful gift to yourself and to the world.

Thank you all for reading and supporting me!

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be

Author of “less is Yes!”

* ”Not Happy? Decide Now To Stop Feeling Bad” by Katrien Degraeve on Medium

**“The Trouble Is: It’s All up To You. The Good Thing Is: It’s All Up To You” by Katrien Degraeve on Medium

*** “Ressources et Actualisation” Bruno Lallement

**** ”You are the Universe: Discovering Your Cosmic Self, and Why It Matters” by Deepak Chopra MD, and Menas Kafatos PHD. and “The Essential, Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire” by Deepak Chopra MD.

***** ”The Energy Codes” by Dr. Sue Morter

****** ”My Thoughts, My Words” by Franze Garcia

******* “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama XIV

The trouble is: It”s All Up To You. The Good Thing Is: it’s All Up To You.

Once you feel the power and success of taking your life into your own hands, everything becomes possible.

One of my clients once said to me: “A good coach needs to make the client feel 2 things in order to have the best results: irritation and inspiration. And you sure know how to evoke both.” 🙂

I know, it can be oh so annoying when somebody tells you: “All you do/have in life is your responsibility”, “It’s all up to you”, “You’ll never change another person, all you can control is YOUR reaction to their behavior”, … I know, sometimes it’s not easy for me too. But once you start believing this AND once you start acting accordingly, you’ll realize it’s the only way to start feeling better, to be more relaxed, to be happier.

So many people come to me and ask: “How can I change other people’s behavior in order to feel better. My answer is very short and very clear: you can’t. That is their tipping point, the moment they make the decision whether to take things into their own hands or not. Their questions, like:

How can we change our relationship(s)?

How can we feel better at work?

How can we go through family reunions without needing anger management afterwards?

How can we take control of our life?

can all be answered by: Start training your mental muscles*.

In order to start doing this, let’s have a quick summary of how our mind works. We have our conscious mind and we have our subconscious mind**The conscious mind gets its info by input from the 5 senses: visual, auditive, olfactory, touch, taste. These senses bring information to our conscious mind. Our subconscious mind has 2 major components: the Protective Self, aka your ego, and the Higher Self, aka your true self, your core being.

Your Protective Self is established through your experiences, your education, your friends, your family, your religion, through all of the things you hear, see around you from the moment you are born, through all of your actions that have created your habits. You accept those beliefs as being true, you accept your habits as being okay. Once you get older, you start questioning certain beliefs, certain habits, you take a closer look at what is in that Protective Self. It’s like a filing cabinet where all of your files are stored. Every time you encounter a certain situation, the Protective Self dives into your filing cabinet and searches for a similar experience so that you can act in the same way as you did the previous time in that similar situation. As long as this behavior is good for you, as long as it brings you joy, fulfillment, the results you want in life, then that is a ‘good’ file. You can keep this up. But when you don’t like the result of that behavior, when you are unhappy in life, you will need to change it in order to have a result you do like. So, you chuck this file and you replace it with a new file, a file that represents a behavior you like, that gives you the results you like. To install this new file, you’ll need your mental muscles. This new behavior will be inspired by your Higher Self, by the person you really are, by your true values, by what your hearts tells you is right. Having this Protective Self, this filing cabinet in your subconscious mind, does not mean that all of the files are wrong for you, that all of what you’ve learned as a child does not correspond with your Higher Self, your True Self. Some things will stay and others will change. But now you realize you have a choice.

Don’t be harsh on your Protective Self, it did its best to guide you through life so far, but now it’s up to you to take control. Now is the time to learn that how you think, will change the outcome of the situation, because your thoughts determine how you feel and your feelings will influence how you will act. And of course, your action provokes a reaction. This reaction is what you call your results in life. And it’s those results that you either like or dislike, that make you happy or unhappy, and now you know how you can change the results in your life: by changing how you think, by managing the ‘files’ in your subconscious mind.

Now, how do we change these files, how do we train these mental muscles? We can only train what we are aware of, so the mental muscles belong to the conscious mind. We train them consciously.

Here are our 6 mental muscles*: perception, imagination, intuition, memory, free will and reason.

We need all of those to become aware of our files, to make a mental image of how we want to live our lives, and to realize how we can actively and consciously change our behavior in order to have different results in life.

1. Perception: how you look at a situation determines how you feel hence how you will act and consequently what the reaction will be like. Changing your point of view, changing how you look at things, will change your thoughts about it and ultimately how you will act. For instance, when you look at a situation, believing there is a solution, you will start looking for that solution. Looking at a situation thinking there is no solution will keep you stuck in the problem. Looking at someone with compassion, for example, will make your thoughts milder, will make you feel milder and so you will act in a kinder way. Looking at someone with prejudice will make you think unkindly, which will result in acting more harshly. Training this muscle is a necessary step you need to take in order to change the results in your life through consciously thinking differently by looking at a situation from a different angle.

2. Imagination: here is where you tap into your Higher Self. Here is where you imagine what you really want in your life, how you want your life to look like, what kind of person you want to be, how you like to be treated in life, what new files you want to create to put in your filing cabinet in your subconscious mind. It is very important to create positive files as you are going to train your mind to ultimately have those new actions become your automatic response actions in order to have that life you dream of, in order to become your True Self, the person you really are, in order to get the results that you like.

3. Intuition: when you are creating new thoughts, new images of how you want to be in life, you will feel when it’s a good change or not. Your gut-feeling, your absolute first feeling when you think of something, when you ponder this new idea, is your intuition. This split-second tug in your guts, before your mind can start reasoning or before your ego kicks in to keep you from changing your old files, will tell you whether it is a good thing for you or not, whether it comes from your Higher Self or not. This is very important to learn to listen to as you only want ‘good’ files to be stored in your subconscious mind and you do not want to replace old files with new files which trigger, again, a result you do not like.

4. Memory: your memory opens up your filing cabinet and produces the files of previous, similar situations. The more you repeat a certain action, the clearer your memory will be. The good thing is you can remember from the past, but you can also remember ideas, images, you install for the future. Here is how this works, you imagine your ideal action and when a situation occurs, you use this ‘new’ behavior to respond. That is why our mental muscles are part of our conscious mind, we have to actively change our default modus, our old file, with this new, deliberate action. The more we do this, the more ‘automatic’ this new behavior will become, until it is our new ‘modus operandi’, until it is our file that will automatically open as we find ourselves in similar situations, until it has become our new habit with a result we like.

5. Free will: we all have a free will so we are able to choose what to keep and what not. When a thought does not result in positive behavior, hence a positive result in life, we can choose to not have this thought anymore. We have a free will to focus on what we want to focus upon. It’s up to us to decide what we want to create in life and where we need to put our focus in order to get there. We consciously need to steer our focus away from things we do not want in life. “Where focus goes, energy flows” So we want our energy to flow to positive thoughts, so that our actions result in what we like to have/experience in life.

6. Reason: now we can allow our reason to kick in. Now that we know what we want and what not, we can decide what action is needed in order to take the first step towards this goal. Don’t think too far ahead, this will immobilize you. Just the first step. Once you’ve taken that step, you’ll be in a different position and you will see more clearly from there, what you need to do next.

This may be a lot to take in but the more you read and re-read how your mind works, the better you will understand how you can really change your life around. It is so worth it!!

And as I wrote in last week’s blog: instead of keeping up the blaming, shaming and complaining, you make the decision to start acting differently. By training the mental muscles you will actually be able to live up to that decision. You will actively do things differently, you will go step by step towards a cabinet full of positive files, files that are in alignment with your Higher Self, with the results you want in life.

I wish you good luck, great fun in creating those new files and enjoy your life living as YOU!!!!!

Thank you so much for reading me.

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be

Author of “Less is Yes!”

*Teachings in ‘The Inge Rock Coaching and Mind Academy’ based on the theories of Bob Proctor.

**Teachings in ‘The Inge Rock Coaching and Mind Academy’ based on The Concept Therapy, illustrated through the stickman by Dr. Thurman Fleet.

Not Happy? Decide Now To Stop Feeling Bad!

It all comes down to making that decision and then to go from there.

But what do we, mortals, do most in our lives?

Blaming, shaming and complaining!!

We are addicted to feeling bad, we are addicted to blaming other people, we are addicted to complaining! “No, I am not”, I hear you say. “How dare you even insinuate that I like feeling bad”. I didn’t say you liked it perse, but you are addicted to it. We all are or we wouldn’t be doing it all the time. It doesn’t bring any solutions, it solves no problems, it brings no opponents closer to one another, … so why do we do it?

We must be addicted to it.

We must be not willing to take responsibility for our own life, for how we are feeling.

We must be not willing to do the work to change our lives into something we like living.

I like the anecdote dr. Wayne W. Dyer once told in one of his seminars* which is so exemplary to this kind of behavior: His patient was going on and on about everything that was going wrong in her life and that it was all because of her mother this, and because of her mother that, and Dr. Dyer said: okay, the session is over. And the patient was taken aback and said “why, what is going on?” Well, he said, you can leave now and go get your mother. I’ll treat her and then all your problems will be solved.

It is funny when you hear him tell this but it is what most of us are doing all the time too! It’s all because of: my boss, my mother, my partner, my sister, my neighbor, … you name it, and we’ll definitely find somebody else to blame for it!

But it does not solve anything!! On the contrary! We feel even worse! We stay on that low vibrational frequency and we attract** even more unpleasant stuff.

The only way to turn your life around is to MAKE THE DECISION to stop feeling bad!!! It is something you have to consciously do before anything you do, will have a lasting effect on your ‘feeling happier in life’.

This is step 1: make the decision you do not want to feel the way you are feeling, anymore.

Now you can move on from here. You have decided to stop feeling bad.

Step 2: ask yourself what you can do next. You realize it is in your hands as you now understand no one, but you, is able to create YOUR happiness. It’s important to take this step because once you take action, you have created momentum and you can keep going forward, you can keep moving up the vibrational frequencies, changing your feelings bit by bit until you’ve reached the point of happiness. We all know you can’t go from depression to lasting happiness in one day. That is a leap that is too big to take in one step. You chose the next best feeling. This puts you in a different emotional place and you’ll feel yourself getting stronger and stronger to handle your life. The stronger you feel, the more you’ll be able to do the necessary things to create your own happiness. This getting stronger is a process, you go step by step towards a place where you start taking your life into your own hands? Jerry and Esther Hicks*** developed a scale of 22 frequencies with the corresponding feeling(s). Every time you climb to the next level, you feel better, you’ll feel more able to take action. Here is their list: from top to bottom, top level being the highest frequency, the high energy feelings.

Joy, Appreciation, Empowerment, Freedom

Passion

Happiness

Belief, positive expectation

Optimism

Hope

Contentment

Boredom

Pessimism

Frustration, irritation, impatience

Overwhelm

Disappointment

Doubt

Worry

Blame

Discouragement

Anger

Revenge

Hate

Jealousy

Insecurity, guilt, unworthiness

Fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness

When you’re on one of those low vibrational frequencies, it may seem impossible to ever reach happiness but it’s already a step in the right direction if you can just go to the next frequency like for instance you go from feeling jealousy to feeling hate. This might sound very strange and this is no advocating for feeling hateful, no. All they are saying is, that when you go up the scale, you feel less and less a victim and you feel more and more empowered to take action. You go from ‘passive being’ towards ‘active doing’, from being lived by the circumstances to consciously living your life.  Taking action is necessary to feel stronger and the stronger you feel, the more you will be taking life into your own hands and that is what you need! When you are not happy with the way you feel in life, you need to take action to go to that next level and to feel better and better in life. It’s by taking action that you’ll be able to make changes in your life. It’s like with the old radios: when you wanted to change the radio station, you had to turn the switch in order to change the frequency and hear a different radio station. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, you must be a lot younger than I am :-), and never had that kind of radio in your house). You had to take action and turn that knob.

Anyway, all I wanted to say is:

whenever you feel unhappy with what is going on in your life, no amount of complaining, blaming or shaming will ever change the situation for the better.

It is up to you to evaluate what is upsetting you, it is up to you to decide you want to feel differently in life, it is up to you to take action so that things do change in your life.

You can only have different results in life when you actually start doing things differently in your life.

This is what I want all of you, who are feeling unhappy in life, to do:

Decide now, in this very moment, you’re are done feeling this way.

Write down how you want to feel.

Make a list of the changes you are going to make.

Start with one thing and see if it makes you feel better. If it does, perfect! Keep going.

If not, change another thing in your life until you feel how you want to feel.

Remember, you did not go to the way you are feeling right now overnight, so be patient and go step by step towards how you want to feel!

You CAN do it and ONLY you can do it.

Good luck!!!!

Katrien

www.lifecoachwomen.be

Author of “Less is Yes!” 

* The wit and wisdom of dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Hay House Audio

** Law of Attraction Series by Esther and Jerry Hicks

*** Ask and it is given. By Esther and Jerry Hicks